I'm a little over half done with my zine. A lot of the content is...well, about the same thing. I suppose that is okay. I plan on finishing it soon. and I want to have the second issue finished by the end of summer. I really need to get back into things. Writing, cutting, and pasting, scribbling, and drawing...it just makes me feel like I am apart of something.

It's weird...it has taken me 3 years to get this far, this will be my 4th zine, and only 2 I have let other people see. The first was a horrible, rushed, wannabe autobiography. the second one I genuinly loved when I made it...it was honest, but after a while I was embarrased to show people, even have it distro'd. My 3rd is sort of combined with the issue I am working on right now. It had a lot of stories written in 2nd person, that I thought were well written...but just didn't fit what I wanted to show people.

The 4th issue is...it's sort of a comination of the previous 3. I am happy with it.

I think this will be the one I share.

I was e-mailing an old friend of mine...Miranda...it made me realize something.

Why am I not drinking hot chocolate, staying up late writing, and using great amounts of ink to produce my next zine?

so here I am, working on my zine, figuring out a layout design, printing out pictures, making copies, writing and writing...

I starting making paper again...my zine is going to my printed on store bought recycled paper, and the cover is going to be handmade paper.

I'm excited. and actually, in two hours I have done a lot of work on it.

I probably won't have much time to write tomorrow, school, and then...I should actually do some of my english/algebra homework.

I feel like a zine kid again, what a geek.

Three names you go by
1 -- Cortney
2 -- CJ
3 -- "hey"

Three things you like about yourself
1 -- I'm unique
2 -- I'm intelligent
3 -- I'm creative

Three things you don't like about yourself
1 -- I am moody sometimes
2 -- I'm one of those people who way over analyze things.
3 -- I have horrible self esteem

Three parts of your heritage
1 -- Irish
2 -- German
3 -- Dutch

Three things that scare you
1 -- being stabbed in my back (literally) while I am asleep
2 -- being mauled by a ferocious animal.
3 -- being forgotten and alone

Three everyday essentials
1 -- pen
2 -- optimism
3 -- refreshments

Three things you're wearing right now
1 -- my locket
2 -- green nail polish, that matches my gloves
3 -- pink socks with froggies on them

Three of your favourite bands or musical artists
1 -- Modest Mouse
2 -- Le tigre
3 -- Interpol

Three of your favourite songs
1 -- Lover I don't have to love - brght eyes
2 -- sex and candy - Marcy playground
3 -- My Cat - Jack off Jill

Three new things you want to try in the next twelve months
1 -- not freaking out
2 -- Not getting depressed for no reason
3 -- having people in my life who care about me

Two truths and a lie (in no particular order)
1 -- I stole a cigarette from my mom once, and smoked it.
2 -- I've been hit by a guy before.
3 -- I've peed my bed, at an age you aren't supposed to.

Three things physically about the opposite sex that appeal to you
1 -- neck
2 -- calfs
3 -- hands

Three of your favourite hobbies
1 -- reading books & zines
2 -- anything involving art
3 -- driving

Three things you want to do really badly right now
1 -- play in the snow
2 -- swing dance
3 -- do all of my homework assignments in 5 minutes.

Three careers you're considering
1 -- Nurse-midwife
2 -- Teacher
3 -- Store owner

Three kids names
1 -- fergeson
2 -- Morty
3 -- Bertha
(you didn't say they'd be my children...)

Three things you want to do before you die
1 -- stuff
2 -- have children
3 -- travel outside of the country...even outside of the state would be okay.

Three ways in which I am stereotypically a boy
1 -- I'd date a girl
2 -- I secretly race people, when I drive.
3 -- I give self-love.

Three ways in which I am stereotypically a chick
1 -- I giggle
2 -- I'm sensitive/emotional/like to talk...
3 -- I was born with a cunt, and I've grown boobs...kind of.

Three celebrity crushes
1 -- just
2 -- don't
3 -- care

Three Non-Celebrity crushes
1 -- Carlitos
2 -- my boyfriend
3 -- that hawt guatemalan guy in my CART class

Three people who have to take this quiz now
1 -- Whoever
2 -- wishes
3 -- to.

-sit online
-listen to old mix tapes Sam made me
-write in my journal
-upload pictures to put in my xanga (for about 45 minutes)
-sit online reading old xanga entries
-sign on and offline just because there is nothing to do
-drive around in search of dread wax and sodium carbonate (soda ash) ...empty hands
-frown a lot
-brush teeth and scratch the newly formed cold sore
-stare at the ceiling for 15 minutes
-eat 2 bowls of alien fruit loops, cheese sticks, & some christmas candy...and call that your meals for the day

Those are the ingredients to my awful horrible no good very bad day.

mmk thanks.

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. And I know this sounds unbelievable, but I really like giving gifts. It really makes me think about people.

& so many good things are happening. December is chock-full of wonderful things.

I just hope everyone has a good one, you know.

=/ I want to take steve out to breakfast/lunch/dinner on christmas day. I think that is all I want, is to find him on Christmas. I want to bring him cookies, and hot chocolate, and talk to him. I want to see him smile & hear what he has to say.

I want to hear what he has to say. ...there are times I want someone to want to hear me, and I would like to hear what he has to say. his thoughts, jokes, stories.

I wouldn't mind hearing his silence.

I love christmas, so much.